I reaaalllyyyy don't want 2009 to be over :(

I have a feeling I'm going to cry.
I'm so lame haha

Bye 2009
:(
<3333

Ahhh 2009....

How I'm going to miss this year.
Hands down, one of the best year ever.
I did so much.
Where to begin?!?!??!

• I threw my first show.
• I turned legal! :D
• I met so many amazing bands.
• I saw so many good bands live.
• I graduated HS and started college.
• Got my car!
• Got a new mo'focken phone! hahaha
• I met my girls and boys<3
• Saw my ex-fiance :)
• Went to Indiana.
• Threw another show, that got raided :p
• Got caught smoking weed haha
• Got a tat and so many piercings haha
  
• Fucking changed so much. Physically, mentally, emotionally.
• Met so many new people that now mean so much to me<3
• Almost got a job haha
• Got shitfaced with the homies and got embarrassed as fuck haha
• Got laid!!! haha
  
• Discovered so much about myself.
• GOT BRACES!!!!!!!!!!! ( about time )
• Killed THEN Chopped my hair off.
• Got a fucking iPod haha
• Discovering God<3

Bad memory:
-Losing my beloved Richard :(
-And my BFF Carlos :(

Ahh memories.

• Only on Mondays<333
• Takis for breakfast
• Sherlocks's woman-beating-hand
• Fact Thursday.
• Running on the streets instead of going to our last class.
  
• Playing, uhhh SEQUENCE!!!
• Beating the shit out of McLovin only so we can hear him say "Fuck You!"
• Senior Detention<3
• Leaving like $40 of tip at Hometown Buffet.
• Biting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Mr. I's class<33

And so much more.
Oh, 2009, please stay here forever? :)

I never want this year to end.

<3

Why can't I get him out of my head?
He's always there. I love it though. I like how I only think about him. He's my first thought and my last. He's always on my mind. Ever since that day. He's been there. I enjoy talking to him, I enjoy spending time with him even if we don't do anything. Once I know when the next time imma see him is, I get so happy. It's like the best feeling in the world. I might not see him all the time but when I do it's like so unexplainable. His text, his smile, his voice, his presence is so wonderful and makes me so happy. I haven't felt this happy in such a long time but thanks to him I do now. And I hope he reads this and thinks the same way, he should know who he is<3












Now I just wish my best friend was here so he can know how happy I am. He would have been so happy for me<3

I miss him so much.

Lol

Guys whine too much.




Get over it.

Fuck

you're dramatic self.

Fuck drama dood. C'mon man we're not in High School anymore. Grow the fuck up, and if you're going to talk shit back it up and talk it don't type it. Talking shit via myspace is dumb. Childish. Stupid. I just want to see that faggot talk shit in my face.

WHATEVER.

The one that can save me from anyone, especially myself.

I am happy with my life, I am happy with the people in my life, I am happy with my family.

I am happy.
Thank God.

Mah Gurrrls<3

(I had to do the picture myself, blogspot was acting up)

Are the BEST<333

My girls :)
They have been there for me since day 1. I've known some for a couple of years and some half of my lifetime haha They've been there for me through thick and thin. Soft and hard ;) haha I love them all to death and beyond that. They've always had my back just like I've had theirs. They know me inside and out ;) Hah! I will k.o. a bitch and chop some balls off for them. I can trust them with anything and everything. I can tell them my deepest secrets and they won't judge me, they'll laugh but that's about it :P they have never once betrayed me and I doubt they will haha

Lucy<333

This nigha, this nigha is MAH nigha I've known her for what? 4+ years now? She's been there for me since day mo'focken one! I have never found anyone that can be compared to her. I adore her so mucho. She's so talented and dope. We always have something to talk about and some shit to do haha She's my hair partner, plug partner, and (strip) club partner haha she always listens to what I have to say and gives me the best advice. She accepts me for who I am. She has my back just like I have hers. We have alot of things in common like laugh at 15 year old "scene" girls while we point at them haha We're the 10:45 girls and proud of it ;) She's just hella dope and well haha I love her and her family haha Don't hate :p
She's the dopest dope, man. ILY<333


Monica<333
Ahh Monica She is so sweet :) I've known her for like a year or two not so long but it seems like I've known her for like ever! We don't live close but she's still always there for me. She's like my guardian angel. She's helped me so much. The day I broke down she was there for me. She literally saved my life, and as I told her, I can never thank her enough. She's always there to listen to my problems and give me advice. We gossip like crazy even though we don't even know the people we talk about haha But seriously, I love her alot. She has my back and I have hers ;)
ILY Girl<333



Monica aka Moniqua<333
Oh man this chick she is the ghetto of all ghetto haha I've know her for years dood! YEARS! Fucking 10+ haha she's watched me grow and change physically, emotionally, mentally, etc, especially sexually ;) haha She's dope as hell though. My family messes with her alot but she knows it's just thug love. She always listens to me and laugh at the bad things, but that's Moniqua. I've helped her with her hair, her MOM haha and everything she needs help with. She always has my back and I know she'll knock a bitch out. She listens to my retarded problems and like I said she laughs at them too. Every time I need help she's always one of the first ones there for me.
ILY<333


Allie<333
Mah nigha haha This dood is dope as hell. She's always down for shows and all that nonsense I always do (well when she can) haha I've known her for 4-5 years now since she went to my High School. And ever since the day I met her she's been the same nice girl I've known well kinda haha she always listen to my dumb stories and always tries to catch me singing haha We have so many fucking memories dood, like the Art club, Photography club, not listening in class, etc. She's down as hell and peaceful, somewhat haha She's a really dope friend to have and I know she's always there for me just like moi.
"A show is a show"
( My quote to her haha)
ILY<3







Mah gurls are the ones that no one can ever compare to. The ones I will always love. the one i will always hold a special place in my heart for. The ones that will always have my back and the one that I will always be able to call my girls<3

They have no idea.....

how much I miss them.
Just the both of them.

:(

Happy Halloween, you fucks!

Party time ;)
<3

It's been a year...

...and up to this day it is still hard for meh to accept that my Richard is not here anymore. Since the second I woke up all I can think about is him. I miss him so much, words can't even explain it. He was so sweet, funny, nice, and he was just a great person. He helped meh so much with everything. I miss his messages and the shit he used to say and how after EVERYTHING I would say he ALWAYS had something to say too. Since he passed I went through so much, but I know that he is still helping meh from above. He's the angel got sent meh but then took from meh, but I understand it was his time and it was bound to happen. I have never found someone that can replace him, and I, honestly, don't even want to.

I miss him so much :(

R.I.P.
12/01/1984 - 09/30/2008

Ily<3

Whatever.

I'm over it.



Some guys are just.......stupid.

Whatever.

Today, my aunt passed away.

:(

Well, sometimes

I don't know what to do, but most of the time I don't give a shit about anything.


I hate everyone.
I hate EVERYTHING.


Don't talk to me about it.
AND
Don't try to change my mind.



I don't need to talk about it.
I don't need to express myself to anyone.


Fuck you.

I want the both of them back in my life.
:(

Shit.....Uh

Haha I really don't have nothing to write about. At least nothing that I can think about at this very second. And even though I have nothing to write about I still want to write lol

I'll write about.....Hmm well anything that I guess pops in my head.


Which is nothing, nothing at all.



:/

I miss my best friend.

09/09/09

Is this day really suppose to be lucky?

Hmm....

D40<33

I got my new camera yesterday morning, I'm so happy with it :D
Here's how my new baby looks<33




:D

Here are some pictures I have already taken for my photography assignment/homework.
<33
Sorry they are so big.
:P

Pass,

I started college yesterday.


It, honestly, felt like I was in High School all over again.

I meet new people, saw old friends, got burned by the lame ass sun! haha


I have to go buy a new camera today, that's literally my photography homework. Get a digital camera that is not point-and-shoot and take it to class tomorrow. I'M GOING TO LOOK SOOOOOOO COOL CARRYING A CAMERA AROUND. *sarcasm* haha I also gotta buy alot of books well not like text books but like little ones. I got my financial aid thing it said it can give meh up to $5,000+ I have to call to confirm it and do who knows what.



Today is my dad's birthday. I'm so lucky to have him here alive and healthy. I hope he has many more years. Even if it means he's like 90 and walking meh down the aisle haha. I think we're going to take him out to eat. Probably. I can write alot more but I'm tired and yeah.
Happy 61st Birthday nigha<333


(That's us in 92)
:)

Food time :D

Hmmm :(

Hmm........




I had a dream with Carlos in it.

I honestly don't know what to say or think about it.

In my dream:
Umm well I traveled who knows how many miles to go see him. It took meh forever to find him and forever to not get caught. I ran away from home to go see him. After I found him I didn't know what to do but just stand there and look at him with a blank stare. Then he walked towards meh with this hug smile and hugged meh and that's when it had hit meh that he was right in front of meh. I hugged him back and started crying. He told meh it was ok that I shouldn't cry, and all I could say back was "I know but I missed you sooo much, you have no fucking idea." He then hugged meh tighter. After that he was like "C'mon let meh introduce you to my family" And I met his mom, grandma, cousins, almost everyone I can think of. And we were chilling, we were in a pool and drinking some juice and just having a good time. Like a week later we went to like a store and looking around holding hands and joking around like any other best friend relationship would be. And suddenly like cops showed up telling meh I had to go back home. Carlos was like wtf and that's when I told him that I ran away from home to see him and he was like "Why? You didn't have to do that", all I could say back was "I just missed you alot" so after a while I went back and packed my stuff and we said out goodbyes. I gave him a hug that seemed sooooo real, like I never wanted to let go. And I left crying all the way home.
About a month or so later I got a packet in the mall it was from Carlos but there was no address, number, nothing to get in contact back with just his name. It was a CD though. I didn't know what it was for, but it had a note inside that had a number and said "This is for my brother please call him and tell him to go pick it up" And I asked the mailman if he had info about the package he said he didn't and left. So I called the number and it was his brother and I told him Carlos had sent him a CD he said he wasn't in town but when was he would go pick it up ASAP.



After that everything became a blur and I don't remember it all.
Literally, one of the saddest dreams I've had in a while. I always have the weirdest dreams ever, and each one of them always sends meh a message. I have seen people that have passed away send messages through my dreams, I have seen events or even tragedies that will happen in the future and just random things like that. I'm not scared of it or anything I'm cool with it all and just take it as it is.


Hmm, I dunno. Carlos is the #1 person I always think about. I can never get him out of my head. I can't wait to see him. I know I'm going to see him. It's going to happen. No matter what. I know that for a fucking FACT.



I have to think about stuff.

College

All the classes I want are almost taken. I have 3 so far and only 6.5 units. I want more or else by my last years imma be crammed with too much work from so many classes. I need just one more class. And they're all taken. ALL OF THEM. I don't want to be stuck writing essays for one whole fucking year, but it seems like I have no choice. Well, speech here I come. :/


I just don't want to end up like
^^^
(picture)


So far: English, Cosmetology, Photography, and Speech.



Ugh.
Not happy about that.



NEVERMIND
All speech classes are full :/


Now: English, Cosmetology, and Photography.

Friendship?

"What is a friend? A single soul, dwelling in two bodies" - Aristotle

So lately people have been talking to me about how I push my friends away and about how much I don't care about them. WTF!?!?!?! Seriously, c'mon. My friends are the second most important thing to meh, right under my family. I posted a bulletin yesterday on myspace about it. And I shall repeat myself once more. My true friends know who they are and that they are not being pushed away.

But if your someone that considered themselves as my friend and feels that way, well then you just AREN'T a good friend. You should do what you have to do and try to get closer to meh and talk to meh about it instead of just saying that anonymously. And if you think that "it's a waste of time" then just get out of my life, it's that fucking simple. Don't waste your time or my time.

True friends stick by you no matter what. Even if it means that they are minutes away or miles away. If you talk everyday or talk once every 2 weeks.

Who ever told meh that I push my friends away should think before they speak. If your someone who has distant yourself from meh then that's on you but if your someone close to meh then just talk to meh about it, seriously. I'll understand. I really will.


My best friend:
Carlos. He is seriously the only one that I have ever opened up so much to. He knows meh more than anyone else does in this whole entire world. More than myself. I honestly think that if everyone in this whole world vanished and he was the only one that remained, that's all I will need to survive. He would bring meh happiness and just everything I need. I see him as the little brother I never had, the little brother I always wanted. The one I can punk with and fight with, the one I can have a burping contest with, and the one that I can go to for anything. I yelled at him for acting dumb and doing dumb things, laughed at him for saying stupid things, and cried when he said the most saddest or something the most beautifulest things to meh. I always went crying to him when something happened to meh, and I always went to him to tell him all my gossip. Sometimes he would get annoyed, bored or tired of it but he always listened to it. No matter what. He is my everything. My other half. My little brother. My best friend. My Carlos. And even though he is no longer with meh I still love him. I still laugh at the things we used to talk about and cry about the things he tells meh. Every time I see a new message from him I get so happy. I stop everything I do and just focus on what he says. I miss him more than words can explain. I sometimes cry at night because I just miss him so much. But love him much more.



Well I got out of topic but seriously talk to meh about it. I appreciate everyone that is in my life no matter how close you are to meh or not. But if you don't feel that way and don't even want to try to change your "feelings" I guess all you can say is bye. Don't need you to be wasting my time.



Ok, well, gotta go dye my hair. FINALLY. HAh!


Bye<3

NEW?

So I've joined this website, I have no idea why. I just finished "updating" my profile and I guess that's it haha I'm watching "License to Wed" with Mandy Moore and Robin Williams, as lame as that sounds, but it's such a funny movie. Well just the baby/department scene. It's Wednesday and I have no clue what I am gong to do today.

I'll try to get on this often to update it, but I'm pretty sure I will since they now have mobile for it.


Ok, bye
:)