Ok so here's the deal

I'll leave this blog up for all the lurkers and shit.


BUT I have a new blog.
I am NOT, I repeat I am NOT going to write in this one anymore.

thecandyyrevenge.blogspot.com/


Follow it, read it whatever.
Just know that it is going to be LESS personal, and it won't be like this one.


So stalk me.
thecandyyrevenge.blogspot.com

Oh fuck I'm worried :/
He said he wants to talk to me and explain everything. It doesn't sound good. I hope everything goes back to normal. I love my bff<33

.

I don't understand him.
He is my best friend. He's my little brother. He's my little world. He should be happy for me. He shouldn't be acting the way he is acting. It pisses me off when he starts acting up and it makes me feel bad. I feel like I hurt him or something. I just want him to be happy for me, I want him to be happy because I'm happy but he's not and that's what causing my happiness to fade. I fucking hate it man >:/

Fuck.

I just need to talk to him, but I feel like he's avoiding me.



:/

Dood today was the dopes dayWe are so high we are beyong gone gio looks like the damn devil we r soo gone haha All agree we are getting high more often together

I have..............

The best friends ever.
The best girls EVER.
The best boys ever.
The best homies ever.
The best boyfriend ever.
The best family ever.
The best school ever.
The best house ever.
The best everything ever.



The best life, EVER. :)

Happiest Day of my Life

Carlos is back.
♥

Enough said!!!!!!!!!!

Love never dies a natural death

"If you could love me again, this time I'd be ready for it.
I think about you everyday and I'm so sorry I hurt you."

BAM, enough said.

I don't understand why this reminds me of him so much. It sucks living across the country from someone you care so much about. He's like the only guy that I can open up to. I can be gay around him, I can tell him my deepest secrets and he won't judge me. Since Carlos left he's been there for me. I feel like sometimes I hurt his feeling when I tell him about guys though. I feel like when it comes down to that I should keep it to myself. But I dunno I guess it's cuz of our past and what we once had? I dunno it's confusing as fuck. The day I told him that he's like my new best guy friend he told me he was lucky to have me. Lucky for me to be there for him, since he tells me everything. He was there for me when I needed some one the most. When I needed someone to talk to. He always has been.

He means the world to me and so much more, he's my everything without him I honestly don't know what I'd do.

:/

So yeah......

Today is Valentine's Day. Yup.






It was eh, better than last year that's for sure HAH!
Towards the end of the day it didn't end up SO bad :)
I got a Valentine at the last minute haha Zak<3


Well I just wanted to post the secrets I liked this week that's about it. Besides that I dunno.








"Nathan is the dopest person I have ever met in my life" - I was on the phone with him and he told me to put that up on MY blog, he's so funny<3 :p

:)

I will NEVER forget:




April 1st 2007














Ever.
<3

He is the closest thing I have to a guy best friend. Too bad he lives 2000+ miles away.

He means the world to me and much more.......he has no fucking clue.
Sometimes he's all I care about. And sometimes I feel like he's the only one I have left in this world. I have always loved him and I always will :)


He's always there for me.
<3

HAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting a taste of your own medicine isn't always sweet, eh? hahahahahahaha











Dumbass.

Lol ignore this :p

Wellllllllllll hello lovestruck.

I need to get over him, now. It will be for the best<3

Wow really?!?

Haha well I am currently seeing someone and I am toooo fucking happy with him. He makes me so happy and he completes me<3 He makes me feel like no other guys has ever made me felt. I am too happy to have him in my life and have him be by my side. The first time I ever spoke to him at a show at the Cobalt was probably one of the dopest days ever. We just said Hi, spoke a tad bit and said bye. But after that night it was like we were meant to be. We kept talking then we exchanged numbers and we started texting. Our first kiss was probably the cutest thing ever. I was not expecting it and he wasn't planning for it, it just happened. After that night I knew that he was going to be the one to make me smile all the time. Time went by and we kept talking. Then Decemeber Decimation came along and when I saw him I felt like my heart skipped a beat. Probably the best day ever<3 We spoke and we kissed and I swear it felt like my world brighten up. Time passed by and I went so long without seeing him, it sucked so bad but when I finally did omg I was the happiest girl alive. Every moment that I spend with him is the best thing ever. He makes me smile like no other and he makes me feel the greatest thing ever. We fight and we bite and we kiss and we hug and it's the best thing ever. I just love being around him because it feels perfect<3 I have never met a guy that can compare to him. He's so unique in every way and he's so special to me. He means so much to me, he has no idea. He gives me the butterflies like crazy and he can always manage to put the biggest smile on my face ever. He's so adorable, and so sweet towards me, and he is just so perfect in my eyes :)


I remember laying in his bed with him by my side just staring at each other and smiling. It was like a dream. We kissed and I asked him "Babe, do you think us being together is stupid or like pointless?" he asked "Why?" I said "I dunno just asking" then I told him something I had just found out about an ex that week. And I said "I just don't want this to be pointless and I don't want you or I to be wasting time you know?" and he nodded. After a couple of seconds of silence he kissed me again and said "Babe......you are not wasting your time or my time." At that moment I knew that I was falling for him. The best feeling ever<33

I always told myself that I would never fall for anyone else, but it seems like my heart is winning. I am falling for him and it's the greatest thing ever. And just knowing the fact that he feels the same way makes everything better.

His hugs, his kisses, his touch, his hand, his voice, his presence, his smile, just everything about him is so great. I am so lucky to have him<333

Fuuuuuuuuuucccccck!!!!

I'm getting fucking tired of having nightmares! They're so pointless. I mean I'm used to them but I get so tired of them it's like jeez give me a fucking BREAK! haha I don't get scared, I don't wake up scared, it doesn't affect me it just get's me tired/annoyed.



"In general, stress, trauma, fears, insecurities, feelings of inadequacy, health problems, marital issues, etc may all be reasons for having nightmares" -Dreammoods.com



I don't have any of that though. I don't have insecurities, I don't have issues in my relationship, I don't have any health problems (or so I think), I'm not stressed out soooo? I don't get it. I have them every damn night. But whatever I guess I just have to KEEP getting used to them. When I actually have a decent dream it's like so trippy or it makes no sense at all. Ahh whatever I guess haha


Fuckittttttt.

Yup

♥

Today,

I finally spoke to Carlos.

I was so shocked when I got the call, I didn't know what to do or say. Then the next thing I knew I was crying. I couldn't top crying until he made me laugh. Speaking to him was like speaking to the world's greatest person ever. He told me he's coming back. I can NOT wait. He's told me about his job, his friends, his family, etc.
His call made it seem like there was no evil in this world. As if everything was perfect. His laugh made me have the happiest feeling in the world. I've never experienced such a thing. We didn't talk for that long but just hearing his voice after a year+ made me so.....happy. I don't know how to explain it.

Ah, my ninja turtle Carlos, my little brother. My everything.<3

Imma always be here waiting till I can finally smack you across the head and say I love you.
<3

He

makes me smile so much :)





♥

Ah man, I'm fucking up dood.


So much drama is happening, I sometimes don't even know what to do. I hate how the people you care about the most are the main ones who hurt you. But fuckit oh well that's life, I can't be letting that shit get to me. I know that I am better than that, I know that I am stronger than that. I never let anything get to me and I am not about to fucking break down to some shit people said. I don't care how many friendships I loose because of it. I rather loose fake friend than try to figure them out and get hurt. I don't think that made sense but fuckit. I don't care.

I hate all guys. I hate how they think they can walk all over you. I hate how they think they can do anything. I hate how they think they can break me down.


I am not going to cry over some guy. I am not going to fight over a guy. I am not going to get stepped on by a guy. I am not ever going to let a guy control me. Never gonna happen.



Fuck you guys.

Ah,

Figure it out
<3