Hmmm :(

Hmm........




I had a dream with Carlos in it.

I honestly don't know what to say or think about it.

In my dream:
Umm well I traveled who knows how many miles to go see him. It took meh forever to find him and forever to not get caught. I ran away from home to go see him. After I found him I didn't know what to do but just stand there and look at him with a blank stare. Then he walked towards meh with this hug smile and hugged meh and that's when it had hit meh that he was right in front of meh. I hugged him back and started crying. He told meh it was ok that I shouldn't cry, and all I could say back was "I know but I missed you sooo much, you have no fucking idea." He then hugged meh tighter. After that he was like "C'mon let meh introduce you to my family" And I met his mom, grandma, cousins, almost everyone I can think of. And we were chilling, we were in a pool and drinking some juice and just having a good time. Like a week later we went to like a store and looking around holding hands and joking around like any other best friend relationship would be. And suddenly like cops showed up telling meh I had to go back home. Carlos was like wtf and that's when I told him that I ran away from home to see him and he was like "Why? You didn't have to do that", all I could say back was "I just missed you alot" so after a while I went back and packed my stuff and we said out goodbyes. I gave him a hug that seemed sooooo real, like I never wanted to let go. And I left crying all the way home.
About a month or so later I got a packet in the mall it was from Carlos but there was no address, number, nothing to get in contact back with just his name. It was a CD though. I didn't know what it was for, but it had a note inside that had a number and said "This is for my brother please call him and tell him to go pick it up" And I asked the mailman if he had info about the package he said he didn't and left. So I called the number and it was his brother and I told him Carlos had sent him a CD he said he wasn't in town but when was he would go pick it up ASAP.



After that everything became a blur and I don't remember it all.
Literally, one of the saddest dreams I've had in a while. I always have the weirdest dreams ever, and each one of them always sends meh a message. I have seen people that have passed away send messages through my dreams, I have seen events or even tragedies that will happen in the future and just random things like that. I'm not scared of it or anything I'm cool with it all and just take it as it is.


Hmm, I dunno. Carlos is the #1 person I always think about. I can never get him out of my head. I can't wait to see him. I know I'm going to see him. It's going to happen. No matter what. I know that for a fucking FACT.



I have to think about stuff.

College

All the classes I want are almost taken. I have 3 so far and only 6.5 units. I want more or else by my last years imma be crammed with too much work from so many classes. I need just one more class. And they're all taken. ALL OF THEM. I don't want to be stuck writing essays for one whole fucking year, but it seems like I have no choice. Well, speech here I come. :/


I just don't want to end up like
^^^
(picture)


So far: English, Cosmetology, Photography, and Speech.



Ugh.
Not happy about that.



NEVERMIND
All speech classes are full :/


Now: English, Cosmetology, and Photography.

Friendship?

"What is a friend? A single soul, dwelling in two bodies" - Aristotle

So lately people have been talking to me about how I push my friends away and about how much I don't care about them. WTF!?!?!?! Seriously, c'mon. My friends are the second most important thing to meh, right under my family. I posted a bulletin yesterday on myspace about it. And I shall repeat myself once more. My true friends know who they are and that they are not being pushed away.

But if your someone that considered themselves as my friend and feels that way, well then you just AREN'T a good friend. You should do what you have to do and try to get closer to meh and talk to meh about it instead of just saying that anonymously. And if you think that "it's a waste of time" then just get out of my life, it's that fucking simple. Don't waste your time or my time.

True friends stick by you no matter what. Even if it means that they are minutes away or miles away. If you talk everyday or talk once every 2 weeks.

Who ever told meh that I push my friends away should think before they speak. If your someone who has distant yourself from meh then that's on you but if your someone close to meh then just talk to meh about it, seriously. I'll understand. I really will.


My best friend:
Carlos. He is seriously the only one that I have ever opened up so much to. He knows meh more than anyone else does in this whole entire world. More than myself. I honestly think that if everyone in this whole world vanished and he was the only one that remained, that's all I will need to survive. He would bring meh happiness and just everything I need. I see him as the little brother I never had, the little brother I always wanted. The one I can punk with and fight with, the one I can have a burping contest with, and the one that I can go to for anything. I yelled at him for acting dumb and doing dumb things, laughed at him for saying stupid things, and cried when he said the most saddest or something the most beautifulest things to meh. I always went crying to him when something happened to meh, and I always went to him to tell him all my gossip. Sometimes he would get annoyed, bored or tired of it but he always listened to it. No matter what. He is my everything. My other half. My little brother. My best friend. My Carlos. And even though he is no longer with meh I still love him. I still laugh at the things we used to talk about and cry about the things he tells meh. Every time I see a new message from him I get so happy. I stop everything I do and just focus on what he says. I miss him more than words can explain. I sometimes cry at night because I just miss him so much. But love him much more.



Well I got out of topic but seriously talk to meh about it. I appreciate everyone that is in my life no matter how close you are to meh or not. But if you don't feel that way and don't even want to try to change your "feelings" I guess all you can say is bye. Don't need you to be wasting my time.



Ok, well, gotta go dye my hair. FINALLY. HAh!


Bye<3